Can I photoshop my life?

We just had the most awesome unThanksgiving meal last night. I confess I was dead dog TIRED after a long work day last Friday and then an extra workday the following Saturday. The last thing I wanted to do was come home to a house full of people and make small talk.

But my beloved had committed to a "Korean barbeque" the week before because a preschool acquaintance mentioned that she made homemade kimchi. Not to be outdone, my dh apparently bragged about his homemade Korean barbeque beef and next thing we knew a dinner party at our house had been planned.

So I sat at work yesterday, still exhausted from work the day before, disgruntled that by the time I got home the party would already be in full swing. Damn. Of course it was already set up to be a successful evening because by the time I got home my expectations couldn't get any lower. Two couples each with their two kids mingling with my two kids. Six kids, five of whom were younger than 5 years old, under our modest roof. A wet rainy night (which put me in a bad mood already). My darling husband left to his own devices to prepare for this meal without any assistance from me whatsoever. It was a recipe for disaster.

Only it wasn't. By some miracle (and I do mean an act of God), all six kids got along wonderfully, playing so nicely together that I was truly bewildered. Our considerate guests had brought wine, cheese and crackers, and chocolate truffles to supplement my beloved's one-man show -- in addition to the infamous homemade kimchi and a jar of homemade sauerkraut to boot!

And I truly did have a great time. My work-related fatigue and stress melted away as we talked mostly about the topic near and dear to all our hearts: our children. We go to a most unique preschool where we learn just as much about ourselves and parenting as the children learn about positive social interactions and self-esteem. I was reminded once again of what an amazing gift our children are, how we need to cherish them. We swapped stories about what we had been learning during the course of the school year as well as war stories about our children's more naughty escapades which, in the warm glow of empathy, we can now laugh at heartily. I am reminded again of how we don't always realize just how weak we are until we draw the village helping to raise our children into our homes and nearer to our hearths until we can look into each others' eyes with real honesty, kindness, and compassion. The community that we all yearn for so deeply is closer than we think.

My dh, brave soul that he was, forged on in the pouring rain and barbecued so much Korean beef I believe the scent could be detected for miles around. As we sat around our massive dining room table (paperwork, mail, and discarded items of clothing for once cleared from the tabletop) with the candles glowing, fireplace burning merrily, lively conversation bantered about us, and, best of all, lightning and thunder outside our windows reminding us from time to time how wonderfully cozy we were, I glibly proclaimed to my husband, "Happy unThanksgiving!" simply repeating a phrase he had said to me earlier. One of our guests picked up on the phrase and, answering her inquiry, we explained that this year we were not celebrating Thanksgiving. (I didn't go into the details of how I was just too tired to make it happen this year yet I am painfully aware that this is the first time in years that I am actually skipping the holiday tradition.) As it turns out, Lillian and her family are also not celebrating Thanksgiving which was actually nice for me to hear to lessen my guilt over depriving my 4 year old twins of a piece of Americana.

At her suggestion, we held hands around the table while Lillian and her family led us in a blessing song over the repast, and then we took turns as both adults and children declared what we were thankful for, from family to friends to food to toy guns to t.v.! And, I realized, I truly AM thankful. Imagine that.

My dh took several candid photos of the evening with his smartphone. He knows all too well my need to be reminded of happier times in order to get through the not-so-happy ones. At the end of the evening, after our guests had departed, I finally got a chance to look at them. It had been such a wonderful evening that it never occurred to me how, despite my sincere appreciation of the gathering, I might still look haggard, a bit unkempt, and, well, like someone who has just put in several days of hard work. Yet, there it was, in full slightly blurry color, messy, slovenly, unkempt me. It's a bit startling actually, considering the inner glow from the evening that I carry within me still. Of course the photo is an easy fix. I can photoshop the image until it more accurately reflects just how much I truly enjoyed myself. In spite of my grumbling and complaining, deep down and mostly hidden from public view, I really am grateful for my life, though it might not be obvious all the time. Is there a way to photoshop me permanently?